Comfy and Cozy Inside My Head

Marvel Vortex

Mon, 02 Feb 2015 03:24:26 GMT

I have been away... and what I mean by that is that I have been on AO3 and sucked into the vortex that is Captain America/James Buchanan Barnes stories. Ack. No writing for me, no nothing... I was home sick last weekend and literally probably read for 45+ hours. I have a problem. Is there a support group for that? (Just kidding, I'm fine, don't need support...)

I haven't been really reading fan-fiction (derivative fiction??) in a long time and I have been stuck on my faves (X-files, Highlander) for a long time. But, Marvel has definitely been a goldmine and with Winter Soldier, well, there's a lot of possibilities.

One story that really knocked me out recently was "All The Angels and The Saints" by Speranza Here . Really well done in so many ways. The writing sucked me in and kept me interested, but it is also an epic story covering so much history and I think really gives a depth that made me really feel I knew the characters more and definitely made me feel much more invested in their story. I heartily recommend it.

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There are things within us that can never be released...

Tue, 13 Jan 2015 05:12:10 GMT

In my bid to trigger my interest in my writing again, I have been inundating myself with books, comics, music and DVDs. Inundating as in I've been shoving things into my brain at a ridiculously rapid pace and letting it spin around together and marinate. Which means that I'm starting to have some interesting ideas for fan-fiction and every single one of them involves a crossover.

My main fandoms for reading (and the only ones I ever wrote in back in the day) were Highlander and X-files. Which both, I felt, absolutely lent itself to an almost endless amount of fodder for stories what with the immortal lifetimes, aliens and supernatural cases. Lately, my main fandom (just in life, not necessarily fanfic) has been Marvel. I've always been a fan-- back in the day it was X-Men and Gambit was my guy-- and the way Marvel has taken the franchise and ran with it, blending it together has been pretty cool. The way Agents of Shield played directly into the movie franchise was super well done, I thought, and don't get me started on Agent Carter (not until the run is over and I can mull over my thoughts, anyway).

And then there's Winter Soldier. Just... yes.

When Penny Dreadful first came out, I saw the previews and knew I would love it. However, I don't do pay channels, so I had to set it aside and bide my time. So when I was perusing the DVD section in Target last week and came across Season 1 I was super excited. I'd actually forgotten all about it, so it was a lovely surprise.

It's only 9 episodes so I binge-watched it on Sunday. And wow. I really loved the mix of known characters and the stories. A few things surprised me, some not so much, but I tend to be good at guessing where things are going. If ever there was a show that cries out for slash fanfic, this is it. I'm probably going to have to re-watch some of it just to soak in the atmosphere and the language.

And interestingly-- immortal lives, supernatural cases.

So there's a lot going on in my head, much of which is disturbing.

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Bingo!

Sun, 04 Jan 2015 04:49:21 GMT

So I got my card for Trope Bingo from trope_bingo. I am so excited. I really need the incentive to write, the time limit and pressure, and a side of randomness. Maybe this will pull me out of the research paralysis I seem to have fallen into. After saying I was going to just write, I managed to get sucked into more research. Let's just say Marvel's S.H.I.E.L.D and S.W.O.R.D. mix into Highlander and X-files pretty well. I may be in trouble.

My trope bingo card:

screw the rules i have money!	curtainfic	alpha/beta/omega	genderswap	mind control
huddle for warmth	au: magic	snowed in	day at the beach	beta couple
virgin!fic/secretly a virgin	talking appliance sidekick	FREE SPACE	au: cop/detective	secret twin/doppelganger
bridezilla	dinner with the boss	in vino veritas/drunkfic	sex pollen	fake relationship
poker/strip poker	replacement sibling	secret relationship	lampshade	your terrorists are our freedom fighters

So tomorrow I will start at least one story. No matter what. I swear. No research, no wikipedia, no Google. Cold Turkey.

I may be lying about that. I am probably lying about that. I am most definitely lying about that. I will never give up Google. I remember the days before Google with microfiche and libraries and requests for books and weeks of waiting. I will never go back! You can't make me! Viva La Revolucion!

But I will write.

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Writing Again

Sat, 03 Jan 2015 19:28:28 GMT

“I do not over-intellectualize the production process. I try to keep it simple: Tell the damned story.”
—Tom Clancy

In the grand scheme of life, I am firstly a reader, secondly a researcher, thirdly a dancer, and lastly-- unfortunately and unwillingly, a writer. Reading comes easily, like breathing. I could sit and read for hours, days, and often do just that. I love falling into the stories, getting into the character's heads and just going along for the ride. It concerns me on rare occasions that I seem to enjoy the company in my head more than people most of the time, but honestly I think it's just the Way of the Introvert. In a way, though, that time in my head, in other people's stories, has given me a wide perspective of the world, of people and of motivations that has made me a better person in real life. It has also made me pretty good at what I do for a living, which is in fact listen, accept and occasionally toss up an introspective question or two.

Research is my second love. Even before Google (all Hail Google), I would read books on what interested me and look up answers to my odd questions. When I had my kids, I was not a child person, and so took up reading many, many, MANY books on different ideas, perspectives, etc. I chose what worked for me and adjusted as I went along. This is how I have gotten through life and I often wonder how people who don't know how to find information on what ails them get through it all.

Dancing is something that is just fun and is tied to my love of music. I am not that good at it, but I don't really care. It moves me. Literally. I can become someone else for a song or two. It's cathartic. It's cleansing. It's freeing.

Writing and I have a love/hate relationship. I write because I get a story in my head and it needs to be told. It's a painful process, wherein I write, then purge, then rewrite, then read and cry a lot. I don't feel I am necessarily a great writer, or sometimes even a good one. But I have to do it anyway, so I at least attempt to give it a good college try.

Often, though, loves 1 and 2 get in the way of writing more than they help. I can easily get so caught up in researching my story, and reading articles on how to write that I never get around to writing. This is something that I am currently working on, sort of. Writing on this journal is perhaps just as much a way of side-tracking from writing as anything else, but at least it is also a form of writing and that in itself helps me remember how to translate my thoughts into words and practice some grammar. Maybe add a few new vocabulary words.

After more than 15 years out of the fan-fiction loop, my brain is starting to see an opening for some stories that I feel like I would enjoy reading. And therefore I have to write them. In getting back into the fandoms I loved once, I find some things have changed and with the introduction of X-Files Season 10 in comic book form and the return of Alex Krycek I see an opening to weave in an alternate version, cross over with my other favorite fandom and have a little fun. And then I got sparks of an idea to merge in my current favorite fandom and that really is current. Story fodder is continuing to grow in my head as we speak and I will continue to shovel in more fuel and allow it to marinate for a little bit. But it's coming, I can feel it.

I caught myself spending 4 hours last night doing timeline research. Needed, in a way, but this morning I was thinking about how to NOT get caught up in the details. I hear that's where the devil is. Alex may disagree. I do have some favorite stories that rely heavily on research and weaving in and out of canon and I adore and love them. But frankly most of the stories I like best barely touch on the canon, and when they do include it, it's in the most tangential ways.

I'm a big fan of the middle ground, so I hope to have enough knowledge of canon to keep the timelines somewhat realistic, and then let the rest go. So this weekend, regardless of if I feel I've thought about it enough (the answer to that is always no), I will write. And tell the damned story.

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New Year

Thu, 01 Jan 2015 21:28:33 GMT

I'm not much for big New Year's Celebrations, nor making resolutions. But I do enjoy having a day off and spending some time thinking about what the past year has brought, what I've learned, and focus some on what I would like to work towards for the next 365 days or so.

I spent several years being very unsettled, emotionally and physically. Mostly due to spending way too much time trying to change things (and people) instead of creating an environment that suits me. It took a while for me to figure out the difference, and I'm so glad I finally did. Anyway, this past year was the first year of really spending time *being*-- in a positive, relaxed way.

In 2013 I had finished my graduate schooling and internship, gotten a job in my field and moved. All good, no great, stuff. However it was still rather unsettled and transitional and there was a lot of adjusting.

In 2014 I got to really enjoy being where I am-- where I've worked so hard to get. I branched out some socially, and have found some interests and people associated with those interests with whom to find community. I finally accepted my nerdy, introverted personality and my love of spending hours alone reading or researching or just being. Towards the end of the year I have been refinding my love of writing, and am diving back in without concerning myself so much with if I'm good at it. I enjoy it and that's enough for me. I do like to read writing I find high quality and see what it is about it I like. Reading as research. Two of my favorite things.

So what for 2015? No major changes, I think, but some fine-tuning. I stopped drinking (drinks of the alcoholic variety) at the end of 2014. Not sure that it will be a "never again" type of thing or not, but it had slipped past moderation and a healthy enjoyment and into something, less appealing. Also, with my health issues I don't metabolize it well at all, and that can have some rather dramatic consequences. So... for now I'm testing out life without and enjoying being more present.

Which is another thought for this year... presence. I have gotten better at being present, at least most of the time, but I do want to focus on being here, now. Instead of ... out there. I've always been sort of an "in my head" kind of person (hence the title of the blog), but I'm working on not letting that color my reality, nor keep me from it.

Along with the presence comes kindness and compassion, with a side-helping of non-judgment. Mostly the non-judgment is what I'm focusing on -- towards myself and others. All of these are things I've been opening up to and adding into my life in higher doses for a couple of years, but it never hurts to remind yourself.

I'm hoping to write more this year.

And for today, on this first of the year, day off of work-- I'm going to enjoy some reading, putter around the house and just be.

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Fan Fiction

Sat, 27 Dec 2014 21:51:44 GMT

I'm beginning the process of posting some of my old, OLD, fan fiction on livejournal and linking here in the links page. I'm rereading them all, and looking at what I liked or didn't like, and looking at where I feel I need improvement. I also plan on doing some new writing to get into the groove.

Today's addition is titled Head Games, set in the Highlander fandom and is a slash story with Richie/Methos. It's a short vignette, mood piece. So here, goes...

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X-Files Fan Fiction Recommendations - Part I

Sat, 27 Dec 2014 03:52:38 GMT

I realize I'm doing a bit of a mind dump on here to begin with, but c'est la vie. I've spent a lot of the past month re-reading old X-files fan fiction and thought, what the heck, I'll list them here. Maybe as much for myself as anybody else, as I tend to lose track. These are my favorite ones; the ones with the best writing, the characterizations I love, and a good story to tell.

All of them are slash fiction, though the pairings vary a bit (not so much). I just never managed to fall in love with gen X-files fiction, mostly because Scully bugged me to crap in the series. (She was the Duncan MacLeod of the X-files to me). I love Gillian Anderson to death, though, again... writers. If anybody has some recommendations of great gen X-files, let me know. I am more than willing to give it a shot, especially considering many of the fan fiction writers did a more well-rounded job on Scully allowing her to keep her personality while not appearing so hypocritical.

Viridian5, almost every story on her page. I like all of the variations, including her AU series (Weaknesses, Truth, Addictions). For me an AU series has to have something different going on. I'm not a fan of period pieces, or AU where a character is completely different and not some variation of the actual character. Viridian does a good Alex Krycek, and many different versions of Mulder. Her Tangled String is interesting, too, if you want to see all of the different David Duchovny characters in one story. Pretty cool.

Sleeps with Coyotes. Love all of her work, even the way funky stuff. I was rereading her stories recently and found that her site was offline (wah, but totally understand). I found many of them and now have them safely saved on my computer, but am working to get the rest. Interestingly, I had never before read her crossover series with Highlander, Everything Dies. TOTALLY loved it, particularly since Methos and Alex Krycek are two of my favorites. Still working on getting part III, but will get it eventually. SWC is also an author who goes AU and it works. Amazingly well.

Torch- Ghosts and Lovers. Love these novels, hours of great reading. Here's an example of Mulder and Scully working together, and a Scully that I like. Tough, questioning, logical (maybe too much so), but also intelligent and caring.

JiM - I like all of her series, really. I'm a big fan of the Mexico series, which is Skinner/Mulder/Krycek. I think it works, and I like her characterizations of all three men. I feel like they are true to type, but much more filled in than the series and it's nice to LIKE them as people, faults and all. Also Descent, which is great and creative, and Settling which is a wonderful "here's how it ends" story.

Jessica Harris - Bulletins from Bedlam series. I liked this series a lot, a good AU, end of the world type of story. I don't think it's too big of a stretch for Mulder to finally lose his shit, particularly if you look at everything that's happened.

Imajiru - Departure series. A bit dark, particularly in the beginning, and I'm not normally a fan of kidnapping/Stockholm Syndrome type of stories, but this one was handled well, I think. The second one fills in a lot of blanks and the third gives a really great type of closure to the whole thing. I don't necessarily need closure in my fandoms, but sometimes a good semi-happy for now-ending is nice.

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Fandom Shifts

Sat, 27 Dec 2014 03:27:59 GMT

Back when I first got into fandom (in the big sense of meeting other peeps online and talking about it with someone besides myself and reading/writing stories), I was mainly into La Femme Nikita, Highlander, with a side of X-Files. La Femme Nikita was the first fandom I really got to know people and wrote a story or two (long forgotten, I have no copies and don't think they are anywhere, but who knows). One lovely lady made a mixed tape with all kinds of dialogue and cool songs, I loved that thing. To death. But still remember the great music to which I was introduced.

Soon after, I found a pretty good community with Highlander, and my bestiest friend and I (friends for 17 years) met in that community, branching out to conventions and then to just us flying back and forth across the country. I wrote a good amount for Highlander, mostly some Richie/Methos slash and a side of a Mary Sue-ish side series that went along with the slash and canon (up until that ridiculous episode that shall not be named). I recently came across those stories online-- I had no copies of my own as I am a gypsy and have moved approximately 25 times in the past years and lost a lot of stuff along the way. I was re-reading the stories and though it is a big Mary Sue, it wasn't horribly so, more my attempt to have a character (that I sucked out of canon, name-wise anyway) that Richie could talk to and was a bit more understanding and less hypocritical than Mac. Sorry Mac-lovers, I think the writers tended towards a lot of "when I do it it's okay, but when you do I will judge you" behavior for the Highlander. Sadly. Too much hubris, that one.

Anyway, the character is okay, and didn't resemble me so much at the time except for a few hobbies and music loves, and definitely doesn't resemble me at all now. I suppose if that was Mary Sue then I am now more Madame Maria deSuzanne. Still, the writing itself had some merits, more than I remember having at the time and at least gave me some practice in writing. Sadly, through loss of memory and brain cells I may have to revisit that practice.

X-files was a love for me, and still is probably my favorite fandom in which to read fan-fiction. I, of course, loved the character of Krycek, but at this point I don't know if it's because I've read so much ungodly good fan fiction that created such great pictures. Frankly I'm not sure the writers of the show did much with that character, and yet again I found myself looking to fan stories to fill in the depth of what was shown on the surface. I had found a forgotten story (remembering it vaguely after reading it, but still it is like a fog.) And apparently I had many X-files stories in progress at the time, long since lost on some hard drive, or on some hard disks long since gone to dust.

Then there's the fact that with both Highlander and X-files my favorite characters got killed off in the MOST RIDICULOUS AND AGAINST CHARACTER WAYS EVER. Sigh. If you're going to kill one off, at least make it worthwhile, fit the character and don't force feed it in order to make some other plot device work. (See Joss Whedon for examples of how to kill a beloved character in a way that while breaking the fan's heart will touch them deeply instead of blinking their eyes and going WTF?!) Thank goodness for fan fiction authors everywhere for fixing things.

As for fandoms I have several I watch and am fairly involved in, but none that have really drawn me to writing. I love Supernatural... seriously, love... and am a big Dr. Who fan. And don't get me started on the Marvel Universe (with a side dish of DC). Anything Whedon and I can't keep away. But nothing really driving me to write. I still tend to lean towards Highlander/X-files or a combination thereof. And as both series ended YEARS ago, I'm not sure beginning to write for them now is keeping up with the kids these days.

Not sure I care either, but still thinking about it.

I'd really kind of like to begin writing again, but in a fandom that's more current. I will have to think about that one for a while. I do have a novel that's in progress. And by in progress I mean I did not win NaNoWriMo, but I did write 20,000 words and figure out how much more planning I need to do with my characters. So I have begun writing small short stories about each character, from their point of view and showing pieces of their past and/or view on the world. I'm determined to make sure they each have their own voice, and fully formed personality and don't end up as extensions of myself. Or all sounding the same. Or seeming inauthentic. Whew.

Until then I continue to read writers that I enjoy, and that write well. Maybe it will soak in. At least it will be enjoyable in the meantime.

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Been away too long...

Fri, 26 Dec 2014 21:45:23 GMT

So, I've been out of the online communities for a very long time and trying to get back on the horse. I'm older now, I need a boost.

I was big into the Highlander and X-files fandom, with assorted forays into fan fiction for both. Recently, as I am wont to do every few years, I have been rereading my favorites and enjoying them immensely.

Actually, in looking for other authors, I accidently (seriously) stumbled on a few of my old stories. I was afraid to read them, but while not Pulitzer Prize material were not as bad as I thought. Back in the day I posted as Misha Kimbril, which I can say here because that name relates in no way to me anymore. Ah, time...

Also, Ah, memory, because several of the stories I hardly remembered, including it seems an Xfiles story that I am now just BARELY remembering writing. Sad, that.

Anyway, since so many of the old sites are obviously gone (where the hell did twenty years disappear to?), I have been saving my own copies of as many of the favorites as I can, just in case. I have also found that some are harder to acquire than others, hence beginning this account in order to gain access to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Alas, as I have a rarely used LiveJournal and no other identifying information, I find myself starting from scratch in order to reestablish myself as an actual person. Not that I mind. I may just peruse around and find some other peeps, when time allows.

Currently I'm mostly into Supernatural, though I still love the oldies but goodies and am so excited to jump into X-Files Season 10 comics so I can get Krycek back from the dead and stop avowing everything after that episode that shan't be named.

I still deny everything after *that* episode in Highlander and intend to keep it that way. There are enough well-written fan-fictions to make that easy as Pie. (Oh, Dean).

I suppose that's enough of the history for now, let's see if there's anybody around here I used to know. Or remember.

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